


unlovable

by loretoo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-22 06:55:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19662121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loretoo/pseuds/loretoo
Summary: For Doyoung, falling in love and coughing up flowers come together.





	unlovable

**Author's Note:**

> The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.

Doyoung is so used to love without being loved back, he doesn’t even get surprised when he starts coughing up flowers that morning. 

He covers his mouth at the violent outburst and when he finds small, white petals covered in spit on the palms of his hands, Doyoung’s reaction is just mute disappointment. He does his best to ignore the pang of pain in his chest, the way his heart skips a beat and his stomach drops. 

He should be used to it. It’s definitely nothing new.

Doyoung has had five surgeries. Five times flowers were extirpated from his lungs and feelings removed from his heart. And even though each surgery was less emotionally scarring than the last one, physically was another whole story. The doctors were worried about him. They tried to be careful with his throat the five times before, being specially meticulous as to not hurt Doyoung’s voice and vocal cords — because sometimes roots not only grew in the lungs, but also spread through the entire respiratory system — but there was only so much they could do. By this point, Doyoung knew that if he wanted to keep his voice, he couldn’t let the flowers grow and settle in his system.

That’s why, even if it hurt in the deepest part of his soul and heart, Doyoung picked up the phone and scheduled an appointment to get the flowers removed. 

Once it’s done, the doctors warn him that if he gets the procedure one more time he might not ever sing again. And for Doyoung, this is even more heartbreaking than the emptiness and loneliness of waking up (for the sixth time) feeling absolutely nothing for the person he used to love.

So Doyoung hides. He hides his heart, his emotions. He dedicates his time and efforts to his career. He overworks himself to the bone so he doesn’t think about anything else. Learns how to bake, to paint, writes music and a little bit of poetry, but barely talks to people besides his lifetime friends who he is sure won’t fall in love with, and avoids talking to new people at all. 

And it works. Doyoung closes himself so much that he forgets what being in love feels like. And he’s glad, because the last six times weren’t particularly pleasant. 

And then, he meets Ten.

And he is, to put it simply, impossible not to love. 

He meets him at a party he didn’t even want to go in the first place, and after saying hello and receiving a smile back, there was no going back. 

Ten slips into his life like a hurricane and there’s nothing Doyoung — a simple, mundane, mortal man — can do against such a powerful demonstration of the power of nature. 

Doyoung falls harder than he had ever before and there’s nothing he can do to stop it, so he cries like a little boy under his covers because he can’t go through all of it again. He’s so tired of it all, he’s so tired of not being loved back, of the stupid flowers tearing his lungs apart, of waking up alone in cold hospital rooms feeling demolished inside and out. 

Doyoung isn’t sure he’ll survive this time. It’s too much and he’s just not strong enough.

So he decides this is the last time. 

He won’t get the flowers removed this time. Doyoung just… can’t do it again. He can’t go through the surgery because he would lose his voice, and that itself would be painful enough. His voice is literally everything he has left. But above all, even more painful than losing his voice forever, he can’t lose Ten. Doyoung just can’t even bear the thought of forgetting him. 

It’s different this time, he realizes as he lays awake on top of his bed at dawn.

Doyoung will die loving him, and he’s okay with it. 

  
  
  
  
  


But the flowers never come. 

This time, Doyoung doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night to vomit petals. He doesn’t cough up blood or loses his voice for days. Instead, he opens his eyes in the morning and he’s still in love with Ten and there are  _ no flowers. _

Doyoung is confused. The flowers are familiar, but this? This is alien. He’s terrified to even think about the possibility that Ten might love him back. Is there even anything to love in the first place? Doyoung isn’t sure. He had convinced himself after six surgeries that he was simply… unlovable. Maybe he was cursed, maybe he was just ugly. But despite all of that, the flowers weren’t there. 

There was just one logical thing to do now. He needed to see Ten, he needed to  _ know  _ and confirm it before he got any illusions. Maybe it was nature messing with him and the flowers were just late. That would be a cruel joke. 

Doyoung put on his shoes and jacket, determined to go and face Ten, but he didn't get too far. When he opened his door to leave, Ten was standing right there with his cheeks flushed and his chest rising up and down heavily. He had ran all the way there.

They stared at each other for a few, long seconds until Doyoung broke the silence. “Tennie…” his voice was shaking. “You love me?”

Ten didn’t say anything. Instead, he took a step closer and placed a hand on Doyoung’s neck and another on his chest. Doyoung closed his eyes. Ten’s touch was warm and tender. 

Time stopped. 

This… this was what being loved back felt like.

“Yes.” Ten finally replied, pressing a kiss against his lips. “And I know you do, too.” 

Doyoung opened his eyes to find Ten’s smile, the same one he had fallen in love with, right in front of him. “No flowers.” 

“No flowers.” Ten repeated, still smiling. Then, his expression sobered up. His hands took Doyoung’s, kissing his knuckles. “I know... about the other times.” 

Doyoung looked away, suddenly feeling ashamed.

“And I figured you would be scared. I would be, too. That’s why I’m here.” Ten cupped his face softly. “Hey, look at me.”

Doyoung did. 

“I can’t imagine what you have been through.” Ten was caressing Doyoung’s cheek with his thumb as he spoke. “It breaks my heart just even thinking about it but… it’s real now.” 

“Can you…” Doyoung’s voice almost didn’t come out. His eyes burnt with unshed tears. “Can you say it?”

“What? That I love you?”

Doyoung nodded. Ten got even closer, and right before his lips met, he whispered “I love you,” against Doyoung’s skin. And the again, against his eyes. And again, against his neck.

“I love you, I love you.” Ten would say it a thousand times until he ran out of breath to make up for all the other times no one said it before. “I love you,” he whispered against Doyoung’s wet cheeks. 

“I love you, too.” Doyoung finally replied. 

**Author's Note:**

> Why am I so cheesy... I think it's because I miss doten way too much.   
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
